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Clarkson Jeremy

What Could Possibly Go Wrong...

What Could Possibly Go Wrong... : 2.6 (190)
Genre: publicism
Annotation:
No one writes about cars like Jeremy Clarkson. While most correspondents are too buys diving straight into BHP, MPG and MPH, Jeremy appreciates that there are more important things to life. Dont worry, well get to the cars. Eventually. But first we should consider:

The case for invading France
The overwhelming appeal of a nice sit-down
The inconvenience of gin and tonic
Why clothes are no better than ice cream
Spot-welding with the Duchess of Kent
And why Denmark is the best place in the world

Armed only with conviction, curiosity, enthusiasm and a stout pair of trousers, Jeremy hurtles around the world along motorway, autoroute, freeway and autobahn in search of answers to lifes puzzles and ponderings without forethought or fear for his own safety. What, you have to ask, could possibly go wrong

The contents of this book first appeared in Jeremy Clarksons Sunday Times column. Read more about the world according to Clarkson every week in The Sunday Times.
Year: 2014 .
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  1. Jeremy Clarkson WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
  2. For pity s sake, Fritz, please stop fiddling MINI Countryman Cooper S ALL4
  3. No nasty surprises in this gooey confection Audi A7 Sportback 3.0 TDI quattro SE
  4. Oh yes, take me now, Lady Marmalade Citro "en DS3 Racing
  5. It s hardly British but learn to haggle Mitsubishi Outlander 2.2 DI-D GX4, 7 seats
  6. Try this moose suit for size, Mr Top Gun Saab 9-3 SportWagon Aero TtiD 180PS
  7. Titter ye not, it s built for the clown about town Nissan Juke 1.6 DIG-T Tekna
  8. Those yurt dwellers have got it right Land Rover Freelander 2 eD4 HSE 2WD
  9. Little Luigi s turbo boost Fiat 500 0.9 TwinAir Lounge
  10. I don t fancy Helga von Gargoyle Cant think why Porsche Panamera 3.6 V6 PDK
  11. Damn it, Spock, we can t shake off Arthur Daley Jaguar XJ 5.0 Supercharged Supersport LWB 4dr
  12. Bruce s bonzer duck-billed koala Ford Falcon FPV Boss 335 GT
  13. Botox and a bikini wax and I m ready to roll Jensen Interceptor S
  14. Oh, barman, my pint of pitbull has gone all warm and fluffy Ford Focus Titanium 1.6 Ecoboost
  15. Pointless but fun what a good wheeze Renault Wind Roadster GT Line 1.6 VVT
  16. Prepare your moobs for a workout Aston Martin Virage
  17. The old duffer trots out in boy-racer colours Skoda Faiba vRS1.4 TSI DSG
  18. What s the Swedish-Chinese for I cant see? Volvo V60 T5 R-Design
  19. I love you now I m all grown up, Helga Porsche 911 GTS
  20. Oh, miss, you turn me into a raging despot Mercedes CLS 63 AMG
  21. From 0 to 40 winks in the blink of an eye BMW 640i SE convertible
  22. Oh, Shrek, squeeze me till it hurts Nissan GT-R
  23. A world first the Ferrari 4 x what for? Ferrari FF
  24. Work harder, boy, or it will be you in here VW Jetta 2.0 TDI Sport
  25. Too tame for the special flair service Audi RS 3
  26. An asthmatic accountant in lumberjack clothing Mazda CX-7
  27. Someone please check I haven t left my spleen back there BAC Mono
  28. I thought it looked humdrum. But wow! Honda Accord Type S
  29. You vill never handle zis torture Mercedes-Benz G 350 Bluetec
  30. Strip out all the tricks and it s still a wizard Audi A6 SE 3.0 TDI
  31. Open up them pearly gates Lamborghini Gallardo LP570-4 Spyder Performante
  32. Oh, grunting frump, you looked so fine on the catwalk Jaguar XF 2.2 Diesel Premium Luxury
  33. Now we re flying Mercedes-Benz SLS Roadster
  34. The topless tease luring men to ridicule VW Golf Cabriolet GT
  35. I m sold, Mrs Beckham I want your baby Range Rover Evoque Prestige SD4 auto
  36. I say, chaps, who needs a fourth wheel? Morgan Three Wheeler
  37. Beach beauties love my bucking bronto Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4
  38. Hop in, Charles, it s a Luddites dream Mercedes C 63 AMG coup \e Black Series
  39. It s no cruiser but it can doggy-paddle Jeep Grand Cherokee 3.0 CRD V6 Overland
  40. Uh-oh, some fool s hit the panic button Chevrolet Orlando 1.8 LTZ
  41. Simply no use for taking the kids to see Granny Audi R8 GT
  42. Amazing where bottle tops and string will get you Hyundai i40 1.7 CRDi 136PS Style
  43. Bong! I won t let you go until you love me BMW M5
  44. A heart transplant sexes up Wayne s pet moose Bentley Continental GT V8
  45. The arms race is over and Vera Lynn has won Aston Martin DBS Carbon Edition
  46. Good doggy lets give the bark plugs a workout Suzuki Swift Sport 1.6
  47. Look what oi got, Farmer Giles: diamant \e wellies Jeep Wrangler 2.8 CRD Sahara Auto 4-door
  48. Powered by beetroot, the hand-me-down that keeps Russia rolling Lada Riva
  49. The yummiest of ingredients but the souffl \es gone flat Porsche 911 Carrera
  50. I ran into an EU busybody and didn t feel a thing BMW 640d (with M Sport package)
  51. Blimey, you ve got this mouse to roar, Fritz Volkswagen High Up!
  52. Styled for mercenaries. Driven by mummy Ford Kuga 2.0 TDCi Titanium X PowerShift
  53. Simply the best, but so bashful buying one is verboten BMW 328i Modern
  54. Click away, paparazzi, I ve got nice clean Y-fronts Audi A8 3.0 TFSI
  55. Get a grip its only a Roller Rolls-Royce Phantom II
  56. I know about your frilly knickers, Butch Mercedes SLK 55 AMG
  57. Fritz calls it a soft-roader. I call him soft in the head Audi Q3 2.0 TDI quattro SE S tronic
  58. Cheer up Napoleon got shorty shrift too Mini Cooper S roadster
  59. That funny noise is just Einstein hiding under the bonnet Ford Focus 1.0 EcoBoost 125PS Titanium
  60. Gosh, never thought I d dump Kate Moss so fast Citro "en DS5 DSport HDi 160 automatic
  61. Squeeze in, Queenie, there s space next to Tom Cruise Kia Cee-d 2 1.6 GDI
  62. The wife s away, so come check out my electric extremity Mercedes-Benz ML 350 BlueTec 4Matic Sport
  63. If I go back to Africa, will you take it away again? Porsche 911 Carrera S cabriolet
  64. Oh, Miss Ennis, let s sprint to seventh heaven Ferrari 458 Spider
  65. Yikes! The plumber s van has put a leak in my wallet Citro "en Berlingo
  66. Gary the ram raider cracks Fermat s last theorem Vauxhall Astra VXR 2.0i Turbo
  67. Kiss goodbye to your no-claims Mr Fender-bender has a new toy Peugeot 208 1.2 VTi Allure
  68. The nip and tuck doesn t fool anyone, Grandma Jaguar XKR-S
  69. Wuthering werewolves, a beast made for the moors Lexus LFA
  70. It s certainly cheap but I cant find cheerful Skoda Octavia vRS
  71. Ooh, it feels good to wear my superhero outfit again Toyota GT86
  72. OK, Sister Maria, try tailgating me now Audi S6 4.0 TFSI quattro
  73. It s Sunday, the sun is out lets go commando Ferrari California 30
  74. Yo, bruv, check out da Poundland Bentley Chrysler 300C Executive
  75. Out with the flower power, in with the toothbrush moustache VW Beetle 1.4 TSI Sport
  76. You can keep your schnapps, Heidi Ill have cider with Rosie Mercedes A 250 AMG
  77. A real stinker from Silvio, the lav attendant Chrysler Ypsilon
  78. Ask nicely and it ll probably cook you dinner underwater BMW M135i
  79. The pretty panzer parks on Jurgen s golf links Volvo V40 D4 SE Nav
  80. I ordered a full English but ended up with bubble and squeak Aston Martin Vanquish
  81. The cocaine chintz has been kept in check Range Rover Vogue SDV8 4.4L V8 Vogue
  82. Thanks, guys, from the heart of my bottom Audi RS 4 Avant 4.2 FSI quattro
  83. Just like Anne Boleyn, there s no magic with the head off Volkswagen Golf GTI cabriolet 2.0 TSi
  84. Come on, caravanners, see if it will tackle the quicksand Hyundai Santa-Fe Premium 7-seat
  85. No one can reinvent the wheel quite like you, Fritz VW Golf 1.4 TSI ACT GT
  86. Great at a shooting party for gangsters Mercedes CLS63 AMG Shooting Brake
  87. Yippee! It s OK to be a Bentley boy again Bentley Continental GT Speed
  88. Thrusters on, Iron Man, this ll cut through the congestion Audi R8 5.2 FSI quattro S tronic
  89. They ll be flying off the shelves at Poundland Porsche 911 Carrera 4S
  90. So awful I wouldn t even give it to my son Alfa Romeo MiTo 875cc TwinAir Distinctive
  91. Off to save the planet with my African queen BMW528i Touring SE (1999, T-reg)
  92. Oh, I hate the noise you make in wounded cow mode Toyota Corolla GX (aka the Auris but GX model not sold in UK)
  93. That puts paid to my theory on the ascent of manual Aston Martin Vantage V12 roadster
  94. Oh, how you ll giggle while strangling that polar bear Ford Fiesta ST 1.6T EcoBoost
  95. Another bad dream in a caravan of horrors Honda CR-V 2.2 I-D TEC EX
  96. Ooh, you make me go weak at the knees and the hips and the spine Jaguar F-Type S
  97. Mirror, signal, skedaddle Mr Bumps been turbocharged Peugeot 208 GTi
  98. Not now, Cato keep turning the egg whisk while I push MG6 Magnette 1.9 DTi-Tech
  99. No grid girls, no red trousers its formula school run Mazda CX-5 2WD SE-L
  100. Where does Farmer Giles eat his pork pie? Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography
  101. They only make one car. But it s a nice colour Porsche Cayman S with PDK
  102. Say the magic word and the howling banshee turns sultry sorceress McLaren 12C Spider
  103. Take the doors off and put them back on? That ll be lb24,000, sir BMW M6 Gran Coup \e
  104. Thunderbird and Mustang have gone, so what ll we call it, chaps? Vauxhall Adam
  105. Ha! They ll never catch me now Im the invisible man VW Golf GTI 2.0 TSI Performance Pack
  106. Coo! A baby thunderclap from Merc s OMG division Mercedes-Benz A45 AMG
  107. From the nation that brought you Le Mans A tent with wheels Citro "en DS3 cabrio DSport
  108. The fun begins once you ve arm-wrestled Mary Poppins for control Audi RS 5 cabriolet quattro 4.2 FSI
  109. Gliding gently into the parking slot reserved for losers Peugeot 2008
  110. Where the hell did they hide the keeping up with Italians button? Jaguar F-type
  111. Go and play with your flow chart, Comrade Killjoy, while I floor it Audi RS 6 Avant
  112. Who lent Scrooge the ninja costume? Lexus IS 300h F Sport
  113. Crikey, the Terminator has joined the Carry On team Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG Black Series
  114. Grab her lead and forget all about the mess on the floor Alfa Romeo 4C
  115. Goodbye, Dino. It s the age of the mosquito McLaren P1
  116. Watch out, pedestrians, I m packing lasers Mercedes-Benz S 500 L AMG Line
  117. I can see the mankini peeking out over your waistband BMW 435i M Sport coup \e
  118. The crisp-baked crust hides a splodge of soggy dough Kia Pro_Cee d GT Tech
  119. A menace to cyclists, cars, even low-flying aircraft Audi SQ5 3.0 BiTDI quattro
  120. I m sorry, Comrade. No Iron Curtain, no deal Dacia Sandero Access 1.2
  121. You re off by a country mile with this soggy pudding, Subaru Subaru Forester 2.0 Lineartronic XT
  122. You can t play bumper cars, but the bouncy castles brilliant Volvo V40 T5 R-Design Lux
  123. Drives on water and raises Lazarus in 4.1 seconds Aston Martin Vanquish Volante
  124. Praise for Clarkson:
  125. About the Author
  126. By the same author
  127. THE BEGINNING
  128. Copyright
  129. MICHAEL JOSEPH
  130. Note


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